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The Friendship Filter

The One Thing, part 2, April 10, 2005

John 15:12-17

I. This week we continue to look for The 1 Thing.

A. The 1 Thing is a relationship with Jesus Christ.

1) Spending time with God in prayer, Bible study, and fellowship.

2) A loving, closing, growing relationship with God.

B. Last week we realized that Americans are deeply spiritual people (all people are deeply spiritual people) and that they have a longing for connection with God.

1) Unfortunately they don’t think the church is a good place to find that connection.

2) And for far too long, too many churches have been only too happy to prove them right.

C. We talked last week about being a friend of God. We know that God wants us to be his friends.

1) But God also wants us to be a friend. We should share with other people the way God has shared with us.

2) This past week, I asked some of you to help me make a list of what it means to be a friend. Here’s the top 7:

a) Eating together.

b) Helping one another.

c) Commitment.

d) Sharing experiences together.

e) Spending time together.

f) Common interests.

g) Trust.

3) That’s quite a list and it got me asking this question: “what would it mean to our church if we looked at everything we did in worship, mission, and ministry together through the lens of these things? Would things look any different?”

a) I believe they would.

b) And I want us to think about this lens, which I will call the “Friendship Filter.”

II. First, I think the Friendship Filter would fill a relationship void.

A. Look at our list of qualities of friends again.

1) Is there anything there that the church can’t provide?

2) Is there anything there that can’t be accomplished through relationships?

B. Here’s where I’m at: what if the church stepped in to fill the relationship void that many people are feeling?

a) What if we provided a place for people to belong even before they believed?

b) What if put relationships with people before all else except Jesus?

c) I wonder if we’re ready for that?

C. Here are some questions to ask as we think about how the friendship filter works.

1) If you were trying to grow a warm, human relationship, what would you choose? (That’s usually the option that let’s you draw closer to Jesus as well).

2) What creates ambiance? (A setting that invites relationship building).

3) What will telegraph to the world that building a close, personal relationship with Jesus Christ is the top priority here?

D. This is the filter we’ll use over the next few weeks to point out what the church should not, should not become as well as what the church should be.

1) Thom and Joani Schultz published a book called the 1 Thing and they identified this “friendship factor.”

2) They went on to say that its time to question everything we’ve been doing in the church for decades.

3) Because we’ve forgotten the 1 Thing and in a sense gone off searching for “other God’s.”

a) We’re human beings, we get easily distracted.

b) So now we’re going to look into the mirror and try to refocus ourselves (dare I say it, to think clearly). We might night like all that we see, but we have to look.

c) We have to look in order to get back to the 1 Thing.

E. The friendship factor is a tool that will help us open doors. And sometimes there are doors in our faces that we don’t even realize are shut.

III. Now, would everyone please stand and repeat after me.

A. I will not talk during the service.

B. I will not chew gum or drink in the sanctuary.

C. Men: I will only wear a dark suit with a tie to worship. Ladies: I will only wear a long dress, preferably navy blue or black to worship.

D. What am I doing?

1) These are our church’s new rules. Like them?

2) I’m being a bit silly but every church has rules. Some of them are obvious and written down. Some of them are more subtle and hard to see.

3) The easiest way to find out what they are is to break one.

E. And they make our church’s look and feel like police stations.

1) Anyone here in law enforcement? [give them a hand]

2) We really need police. We need laws and rules. Without them society is in chaos.

3) Sometimes we transfer the law and rules of the police station into the church and it’s not a good fit.

F. In some ways you can see it in the signage.

1) “We love children, that’s why we have a nursery.”

2) Sometimes it starts outside, “no parking except by pastor.”

3) A sign taped to the wall that says, “do not tack or tape anything to the walls.”

4) At times these rules move from distracting to destructive.

5) Here are some more examples:

a) What instruments to use in worship.

b) Which songs to sing.

c) Which Bible translation to use.

d) What to do with crosses, flags, and candles.

e) Who can use the facilities.

f) Which groups can use which part of the building.

6) Which church would you rather be?

G. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the church doesn’t need rules.

1) But I am saying that if our boundaries and preferences are getting in the way of friendships and relationships we need to rethink them.

2) Have we created some rules that don’t pass the friendship filter?

3) Would you rather join a police department or a place to build lasting friendships?

H. I don’t want to be one of the 2/3rds of churches in America that don’t meet people’s needs, do you?

1) Churches aren’t governed primarily by rules, they are governed by grace and love.

2) We need to lead with grace and love; and use them to introduce the rules.

3) {Kelly’s church}

IV. All through the Bible Jesus struggled to get people to understand the priority of relationships over rules.

A. In Matthew 12 Jesus healed a man’s shriveled hand and his disciples picked grain to eat on the Sabbath. What did the Pharisees say? They wanted to kill the law-breaker.

1) In John 5 Jesus healed a disabled man and told him to “take up your mat and walk.” What were the Pharisee’s reactions? “The Law forbids you to carry your mat.”

2) In Matthew 9 Jesus and his disciples dined with non-religious folks at Matthews house. The Pharisees said, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

3) In John a woman of “questionable reputation” anoints Jesus’ feet and he blesses her. The Pharisees reaction, “doesn’t Jesus know who this woman is.”

4) We say “Unbelievable. I can’t believe the Pharisees would say that to Jesus. We would never do that.”

B. Really?

1) “I can’t believe he would come to our church wearing all black and with all those tattoos.”

2) “I can’t believe those kids are wearing hats in the sanctuary.”

3) “Why, who would ever even think of bringing food and a drink in the sanctuary?”

V. So where are we?

A. Are we building relationships? Are we making them a priority?

1) Are we really “Loving God and Loving Others.”

2) Are we using friendships as a way to connect folks to the spiritually life they so desperately crave?

3) Matthew 7:12 says, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

B. My hope is that we focus on the 1 Thing even at the expense of some of our silly man-made rules.

1) Even if it makes us uncomfortable. Even if it makes us a little worried.

2) My hope is that we take our mission very, very seriously.

3) First, love God.

4) Second, love others.

5) Law and Grace are opposites.

a) Law is all about the rules.

b) Grace is all about love.

c) We … are a people of Grace!