Sermon Notes - Feb 27, 2005
"Thinking Clearly About Your
Relationships"
Thinking Clearly, part 2
1 Corinthians 13:13 and Galatians 5:15
I.
As we continue our series of sermons on “Clear Thinking” this
morning, I want to make clear what my operating assumption is during this entire
series.
A.
Simply put: I believe that the way to clearly think through any
challenge, major decision, or problem we face is to turn to the guidance God
gives us in Scripture.
B.
God didn’t give Scripture to us simply because He wanted to tell
us some great stories (although there are some great stories in there).
He gave us Scripture so that we would have everything we need to live a
Godly life that is pleasing to Him.
1)
Now you won’t find anything in there for example that says,
“Marry so and so.”
2)
What you will find is a bunch of advice on what kind of character
a husband or wife should have. What
you will find is advice on avoiding some of the common problems and dangers of
relationships.
3)
It’s ALL there if you look for it!
The problem is we don’t usually look until we’re in over our heads
and in serious trouble.
C.
Today let’s try to look to Scripture and think clearly about
relationships.
1)
If you’ve been alive and paying attention at all, you know that
relationships can be difficult things and all relationships have their ups and
downs.
2)
The Bible illustrates both of these extremes, the highs and the
lows:
3)
1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith,
hope, and love. But the greatest of
these is love.” That’s the highs
– nothings more important in all the world the than incredible high you feel
through relationships and friendships grounded in love.
4)
Galatians 5:15 says, “. That’s
the lows. When relationships fall
apart, they seem to fall completely apart rather than crack and disintegrate
slowly. Some of you are living in
these relationships right now.
D.
Relationships would be easy if they were perfect, but
unfortunately they aren’t.
1)
As the Bible says, our highest highs and our lowest lows in life
spring from our relationships.
2)
Anyone can make a relationship work in a 250 page novel.
Anyone can make a relationship work in a 90 minute dramatic comedy.
3)
But relationships in the real world are a bit tougher and that’s
why God gives us plenty of advice for the relationships we live with every day.
E.
Today we’ll look at some practical, down to earth ideas for
getting through the toughest of times in relationships.
(notice I didn’t says “easy ways”?)
1)
How to fall back in love after you’ve fallen out.
2)
How to learn to love an imperfect person.
3)
What to do when you’re frustrated, it’s not going well, or not
sure of your next step
II.
Thank God for our differences.
A.
Would you agree that parents and their teenaged kids sometimes
think differently?
1)
Would you agree that men and women, even husbands and wives
sometimes think differently?
2)
Sometimes those differences are the source incredible happiness,
sometimes they are the result of great agony.
3)
Here’s the truth: God made us to be different.
He did it on purpose!
B.
We are so different in fact that its been suggested that we’re
from different planets; hence “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”
1)
The idea that men and women react/feel/are different is something
you learn from the Bible.
2)
So often husbands say to their wives, “why can’t you see this
exactly the way I do?”
3)
So often wives say to their husbands, “You are so stubborn!
Why can’t you at least try to see my point of view?”
4)
Why? Because God made
us to be different.
a.
If two people agree on everything one of them isn’t necessary.
b.
So how do you reduce the frustration and tension?
5)
Stop fighting reality
C.
We’re different. Especially
in relationships between men and women God intended for us to be different.
1)
In marriages, he made us different not to frustrate us but
complete us.
2)
At our best, Carol gives me an idea I would never have.
She helps me grow in a way I couldn’t possibly alone.
3)
Sometimes it takes two of us to figure out our relationship.
It takes both of us together to uncover the truth.
4)
In short, she makes me a better person.
And largely does so because of our differences.
D.
One of the greatest moral choices you’ll ever make is to begin
thanking God for our differences. It’s
the only way relationships will really work.
1)
Romans 15:7 says, “accept one another then just as Christ
accepted you in order to bring praise to God.”
2)
When you accept me and I accept you and we recognize our
differences we bring praise to God.
3)
Why? Because are
recognizing that he made us to be different.
And he wants us to enjoy those differences.
III.
Go to God with your disappointments.
A.
“Be
completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
It says in Ephesians 4:2.
1)
Sometimes
it takes making allowances for someone else’s faults.
2)
It
doesn’t mean you make excuses for someone’s faults.
It means you recognize that it takes time and patience for each of us to
grow. And we all grow at different
speeds.
B.
Life
if full of disappointments and moments when things don’t live up to the
perfect image we’ve created.
1)
We
want the perfect job. The perfect
church. The perfect wedding.
The perfect house. The
perfect kids. The perfect life.
2)
There’s
no such thing. Life is not perfect.
C.
So
what do you do with your disappointments? If
it didn’t turn out the way you expected? What
do you do then?
1)
You go to God and recognize that he can meet your needs that no
one else can possibly meet.
2)
One of the reasons for our disappointments is that we look for
other people to meet needs that only God can meet.
No wonder we’re disappointed.
a.
Do you expect a person to always be there for you?
Only God can do that!
b.
Do you expect someone to never fail you and let you down?
Only God can pull that off.
c.
Your wife/husband will fail you.
Your kids will disappoint you. They’re
not perfect. You’re not perfect.
But God, God is perfect.
D.
When you begin to allow God to meet the needs that only he can
meet, then you can begin to reduce your disappointment in other relationships in
your life.
1)
Every disappointment presents you with a choice: stick it out or
bail.
a.
When my sons were born: that was a time of choosing (stick it
out).
b.
When I said, “I do.” I was face to face with a choice.
2)
But things have a way of turning on you and now what do you do
with the unexpected surprises of being a parent, of being a husband/wife?
E.
Where do you find the strength to not give up?
God. Where to
you go to meet the deepest needs of your soul?
God. Where do
you find the strength and the power to love in a way you’ve never loved
before? God.
1)
When you do go to him, he will give you the strength that you
need, that you don’t have in yourself.
2)
Watch him do something in a relationship that you would never
dream possible. That’s the kind of
God he is.
IV.
Trust God with your feelings.
A.
We must recognize that when we don’t feel anything (or only have
negative feelings) – God can be trusted to restore those feelings.
1)
Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust
in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our
refuge.”
2)
We can trust God in this
because he is good for his word.
B.
We all know that the word love is familiar to most of us as an
emotion. But is mostly an action (a
commitment).
1)
It’s bound up in the way you act.
a.
When the feelings are gone all you have left is the actions.
b.
The only way for the feelings to be restored is for you to act in
love even when you don’t feel like it.
2)
Is that being hypocritical. No,
its being human.
a.
Feelings are fickly. They
go up and down for all of us. Have
you really “felt” in love every minute of your marriage?
Or every minute you’ve been a parent?
b.
That’s because feelings go up and down and sometimes we act in
love believing that God will keep his promise and restore the feelings.
C.
Lamentations 5:21 says “Turn us around and bring us back to you
again. That is our only hope.
Give us back the joys we used to have.”
1)
That’s where we start. Ask
God to bring back the joys you used to have in your relationship with him and in
your relationships with other people.
2)
Trust God with your feelings; no one is better than God at turning
things around.
V.
Ask God for His direction.
A.
James 1:5,6 says this: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God; but when he asks, he
must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea,
blown and tossed by the wind.”
1)
God
is the one who invented relationships – marriage, family, friendships – but
we sometimes fail to ask the expert for advice when we need it most.
We ask Dr. Phil instead.
2)
God
wants to give you the benefit of his perfect knowledge.
If you have questions about dating, your marriage, your kids, whatever
– ask him.
3)
How
can we reliably hear God’s direction.
B.
Here’s
three quick ways:
1)
You hear it through his book (the Bible).
a.
And then you listen to it.
b.
God is interested even in the small details of your life and
relationships. So he gives us
advice.
2)
You hear it through prayer.
a.
Prayer is a two way street
b.
Let God tell you what HE wants.
3)
You hear it through other believers.
a.
Other people who are also reading his word and praying.
b.
Lots of people are more than happy to give you advice about your
life.
a.
Look for people who are in some good relationships.
b.
Look for people with a good track record.
c.
Look for people who are trying to say, “God, what do you want me
to do in my relationships?”
VI.
Look to Jesus as your example.
A.
You bring home a new baby and as sometimes happens a new baby
tends to cry sometimes at night.
1)
Mom gets up at 1:00, again at 2:00.
2)
At 4:00 he’s crying again.
3)
If a husband were unselfish, when he heard the baby at 4:00 he’d
think, “She’s gotten up twice. I’ll
get up this time.” And
he’d hop out of bed.
4)
But sometimes husbands, even though they wake up at 4:00 pretend
they’re still asleep. {No really,
I read an article}.
a.
Why do we do that?
b.
Because at our core we all struggle with selfishness.
Can we admit that?
B.
Here’s a formula for becoming unselfish, not by tomorrow (that
won’t happen), but by making the next unselfish choice.
1)
Give yourself a selfish reason for being unselfish.
a.
I’m going to get up at 4:00 or she’s not going to talk to me
for a week.
b.
God does this: “If you make this right choice, I’ll bring joy
into your life.
c.
He tries to give us positive benefits for right choices.
d.
Even so there will still be times when that is not enough
2)
Give yourself a better example to follow.
a.
The example of Jesus Christ, the only true unselfish person to
ever walk this world.
b.
Jesus Christ came into this world, the only one ever who didn’t
say, “What’s in it for me?” He’s
God, He’s perfect.
3)
He came and gave Himself for us to give us not only a better
example but also a greater power.
a.
An example is one thing. But
Jesus came to live in this world so that I could have a relationship with Him
here and now, so that I could look at His example.
b.
And in my relationship with Him, have the power and strength to
make at least one unselfish choice I might not otherwise have made.
C.
I heard a heartwarming story about this, this week.
A couple of little boys – Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3 – are setting down to
breakfast. Their mom is bringing
pancakes. She brings them the first
pancake and they both grab for it. The
mom decides this is a great moment to teach them a moral lesson.
She says, “If Jesus were here, He would give His brother the first
pancake. Then He’d sit and wait
patiently.” So Kevin looks at his
little brother and says, “Ryan, you be Jesus.”
1)
Isn’t that one of the great questions of life?
Who’s going to be Jesus in the situation?
Who’s going to be the one that’s going to make the unselfish choice
in the situation?
2)
We’re not talking about being perfect.
But we are talking about the power of one unselfish act.
Do you realize, that just doing one thing unselfishly this next week
because of the example of Jesus Christ and the power He gives can change
everything in your family?
3)
Write off the ideas of perfection and ask instead for growth, ask
instead for doing one thing differently this next week – the same thing in a
slightly clearer way.
VII.
Where are you going to find the power to do that?
Not in yourself. Not even in
just Jesus’ example.
A.
You find the power in your relationship with Him.
1)
In that relationship with Him you find the satisfaction and the
joy that enables you to be unselfish in your relationship with others.
2)
This last verse sums up everything we talked about.
1 John 3:18 “Let us stop just saying we love people.
Let us really love them and show it by our actions.”
B.
What are you going to do?
1)
If this is just words without any action it doesn’t really mean
anything. What are you going to do?
a.
Who are you going to talk to this next week?
What silence are you going to break this next week?
b.
Who are you going to pick up the phone and give a call to this
next week? What are you going to do
this next week?
c.
What one unselfish act or word is going to happen this next week?
2)
It all begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ.
a.
How much do you think he cares?
b.
How much do you think you matter?
c.
How much power do you think God has?
3)
Trust him with your relationships and experience more of the high
moments God intended for you to have.
|